Have you ever really paid attention to how you speak to yourself? In both health & wellness coaching and teaching yoga, I hear firsthand how people think about and talk to themselves. The sad part is, most people are not very nice to themselves. If they heard someone speaking to a person the same way they would be horrified. So why do we treat ourselves this way? 

We all do it. Some of us are more aware of it than others. We berate, belittle, and demean ourselves constantly. We think we aren’t good enough or that we won’t be successful in our endeavors, or life for that matter. 

The problem with how we talk to ourselves is that our body is listening. Every cell in your body responds to how you talk to it. When you say that you can’t do something then you are already setting yourself up to not be able to do it. When you say that you aren’t good enough at something then you will inevitably hold yourself back from doing what it takes to make that thing happen; aka self sabotage.  If you want to make a change in your life but you doubt that you can do it then you are setting yourself up for failure. 

I ask my clients to constantly pay attention to how they speak to themselves. I will often have them repeat it out loud. Then I ask them if someone else was in their exact position would they say this to that person? When the answer is no, which it always is,  I ask them why they would say this to themselves? 

Your brain can’t distinguish if what you are telling it is truth or fiction, and unfortunately, our minds will always lean towards the negative. If we could start to reframe our words so that they are more gentle and kind then we might be surprised at what we are able to do and accomplish. 

Having a positive inner dialogue can change your perception on life and yourself. It can do wonders for your confidence and self esteem. As Barbara Fredrickson says, “Positivity transforms us for the better. It opens our hearts and minds, and positive emotions allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being.” 

So how do we start to reframe our negative self talk into positive self talk? This is something you will have to work on every day. But the good news is that you already posses what it takes to change how you talk to yourself. Keep in mind, you are not trying got get rid of negativity, you just want to reduce it. 

• The first step is that you have to notice how you are speaking to yourself and thinking about yourself.

• Next, try to accept whatever is going on without judgement; noticing without reacting. Once you see the thought for what it is you have taken away some of its power. It is less likely to go on repeat in your head.

• When the negative thoughts and self talk come up ask yourself if you would say this to someone else. Think about what you would say and try saying it to yourself.

• You repeat this every time a negative thought or self talk comes into play. Use your negative self talk and thoughts to teach yourself how to be kinder and gentler and to begin to treat yourself like you would others.

This is by no means an easy process but it is one worth working on. My mindfulness meditation practice has been pivotal in helping me see how I speak and think about myself and also in learning how to reframe it into something that builds me up and empowers me rather than breaking me down and making me feel bad.

Having support as you work on issues like this can be very helpful. Often that can be a journal, a friend, or even an accountability partner. I am just an email away if you need support.