Have you ever had really good intentions behind what you say or do, but your words or actions don’t land the way you thought or expected they would? We often find ourselves saying that we didn’t mean it that way or it wasn’t our intention. 

We have to learn to go much deeper. We need to work to make sure our intentions align with what we say and do because our words and actions can impact people in unintended ways.

Imagine if I were to walk up to you and step on your foot. You yell, ouch! I look at you and say, I didn’t mean to step on your foot, that was never my intention, I was just walking by and your foot was there. You ask for an apology. I refuse or even worse, my apology sounds like, I’m sorry your foot got in the way of where I was walking. 

It sounds crazy, right? Oddly enough it happens all the time. People don’t want to feel responsible when their words or actions impact others in an unintended way. Often, we don't want to acknowledge it  because that means we have to confront the fact that we have done harm and that can bring up feelings of shame for a lot of people. 

So what do we do when our good intentions impact someone in a negative way? 

Apologize. We all come to this world with different backstories. We all perceive experiences through our own lens. You may not understand why someone reacts to a situation in the way that they do. All you really need to understand is that you hurt someone. Apologizing shows the other person that you care. It may also open up space for a conversation where the other person can explain to you why what you did impacted them the way it did. 

We are all going to mess up. We will all hurt someone at some point in our lives. It is all about how we show up in those moments. Are we going to take it personally and try to defend ourselves and our intentions? Or are we going to be open to listening to others, learning from our mistakes, forgiving ourselves, and moving forward? Hopefully, we will all start to have better and more meaningful conversations so we can continue to grow.