Whenever I gather with family or friends, I am reminded of the power of relationships. The people we choose to have in our lives can uplift us and make us feel like we are on top of the world, but they can also push all our buttons and make us feel resentful, frustrated, and angry.

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Our relationships have a huge impact on our overall wellness. If you are trying to live a healthy life but are also allowing people into it who create chaos and stress for you, you've got your work cut out for you.

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But when your relationships make you feel supported, loved, and empowered, then you can grow and thrive.

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It's a great reminder to be selective of who you allow in your life. Not everyone should have access to you, especially if they do not positively impact your life.

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Now, I'm not saying that everyone in your life has to be Pollyanna and make you feel good all the time. You want to make sure the people in your life will be honest with you and give you tough love if needed. But we want to surround ourselves with people who have our backs, want the best for us, support us through thick and thin, and want to see us thrive.

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Sometimes this can mean creating a boundary with people that you love, but don't have your best interest at heart. I have watched many of my clients have to set these kinds of boundaries with family, friends, and partners. And as challenging as it was, they found they were so much happier on the other side of that decision.

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Even the best relationships are challenging enough, why allow people in your life who make things harder than they have to be or who are unwilling to do the work on themselves to show up better in their relationships?

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And that's what it boils down to, you have to surround yourself with people who are equally dedicated to doing the work themselves.

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Paulo Coelho says it best: “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

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If the people in your life aren't loving you in a way that helps you become better than you are, or if you are always giving and they are always taking, then it might be time to create some new boundaries.

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Boundaries are challenging and can bring up a lot of emotions, especially when we are talking about a relationship that society has deemed important for us to have, like with our family, friends, or partners.

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There is an unspoken expectation that we should do whatever it takes to cultivate these relationships. This is not true and can actually create a lot of harm. People are meant to come and go in your life. It is normal and natural.

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Creating a boundary with people close to us will bring up a lot of resistance. This is when we have to get grounded in our bodies. We will convince ourselves that it isn't as bad as we say it is. We act like we are just being sensitive. Deep down we know this isn't true. But it's easier to think we are the problem than to believe they are because then we would have to change something.

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You can approach boundaries like everything else, start slowly. Choose one thing to say no to, whether that is a request for time or doing something you don't want to do, or anything else that you want to say no to. As you say no, take 3-5 deep breaths to help you get grounded. Let all the feelings come up but continue to use your breath to stay steady in your no.

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Setting that boundary may feel like the hardest thing you have ever done, you may have doubt and fear come up, but you can use those deep breaths to stay out of your head and in your body. If you aren't willing to create boundaries around yourself and what's best for you, who will?

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Not everyone in your life has your best interests at heart. And that is ok. When people show you who they are, it's up to you to believe them. You do have a choice in who you allow in and who remains on the outside.

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The choice is always yours.