A few realizations after 11 years of marital bliss 😉
Last week was my 11th wedding anniversary. I am an emotional and sappy person, so things like this get me all in my feelings. I am so lucky to have found Dave. He really is the perfect person for me. He makes me so happy, angry, and everything in between. But his true gift is that he can make me laugh even when I'm totally aggravated with him. (It stops us both in our tracks and helps to give some perspective because most of the time whatever we are fighting about is not that important). He pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and to become the best version of myself.
It reminded me of this quote by Paulo Coelho, “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”
So of course, it got me thinking about relationships in general. I’ve paused to look at those who have passed through my life and those who are currently players in it. I feel like people come into your life for a certain reason and they also leave your life for a certain reason. Every single person you encounter can teach you something about yourself and the way you relate to others and the world. We are lucky to have all the encounters we do, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.
Human beings like labels. It makes our lives feel neat and tidy, everything has its place. Naturally, we give people and situations in our lives labels, deciding whether they are "good" or "bad". But often, until we have some distance and clarity from the situation we can’t see it for what it is. We aren’t able to see the lessons we have learned or how we were pushed to grow in ways we wouldn’t have otherwise. Looking back, with some distance and clarity, we see that it was exactly what we needed when we needed it. Perspective is everything, isn’t it?
It was only with time and space that I realized that relationships that I once labeled "bad" helped me find my voice, create healthy boundaries, find my purpose, push out of my comfort zone, and get clear on who I am and what I want. Sometimes we need friction to be the catalyst for change.
Changing the way I view all the relationships I’ve had has allowed me to see people and situations as they are rather than the way I may have seen or labeled them in the past. It’s helped create more awareness in my life and helps me pause before I give things or people a label. While I am not always successful, it has helped give me a different perspective on things.
Relationships are a constant work in progress. But, I’ve found that when I commit to doing the work, everything around me gets better.
I’d love to hear what you think about this. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!