Are you holding yourself back?
Lately, I’ve been having a lot of conversations that have centered around the idea of self-worth. So often we think our accomplishments determine our worth. Who are we when we no longer accomplish the same things? Are we still good enough? Or do the things we do determine our value?
Our logical mind knows the answers to these questions. We are more than our accomplishments. But when it comes to the emotional side of this issue, things don’t feel so clear. We all believe what we say but the real test is when we have to put our words into action.
Life always happens and when it does it will truly test statements you consider factual. I see this happen all the time with my yoga students. They will come in with an injury or recovering from an illness and won't be able to do all the things they did before. They will apologize for not being able to do things or work the way they did previously. I remind them that they are more than the shapes they are making with their body. Just because they can make certain shapes doesn’t make them better people. They always look back at me with the same eyes. The eyes that want to believe what I'm saying and deep down know it to be true but aren't really sure they can apply it to themselves.
As someone who has had to deal with a series of illnesses and injuries over the years, I get this. Things are always easier to apply when they are theoretical than when they are happening in real-time. We feel resistance when our bodies don’t work the way we want them to.
As the Buddha says, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
And this, my friends, is so true and so hard to apply. We want to love and accept ourselves just as we are. But when certain situations come into our lives it holds a mirror up to test what is really true. So what do we do when we realize our words and beliefs don't match?
It helps to figure out where these thoughts come from, which can take some digging. Sometimes we form these opinions about ourselves in childhood. When I was a kid I was a competitive swimmer. My coaches wanted me to be the best I could so they were always trying to help me be faster, stronger, and thinner. While none of this sounds bad, as a kid what I heard was that I was never good enough. I thought I had to always push myself to be better.
When I had injuries or illnesses as an adult, I thought that these things also meant I wasn't good enough. I would try to push through to show myself that I was. This created quite a bit of frustration, chronic pain, and disconnection from my body. It took many injuries and illnesses to finally realize that I don't have to do anything to be good enough, I am worthy just as I am. I had to learn how to apply the same kindness and compassion that I give to others to myself.
Like most things in life, this was a process. Patterns and habits formed when we are kids are hard to break. They have become part of who we think we are. But like all habits and patterns, if you take the time to look at them and work through them, you can change them.
The judgment that we throw on ourselves isn't serving us. It often keeps us stuck in places or situations we don't really want to be in because we don't believe we deserve more. This is your reminder that you are worthy and deserving of anything you want in life. So stop holding back! Go after what you want!