Conquering fear to embrace change
When people come to work with me I see a common pattern with their struggles. Most of my clients have found some success with their various habits. Then something happens and everything that they were working on seemingly goes out the window.
The cycle often gets repeated many times over many years until people start to believe that they can't create this particular habit that they want. They feel like no matter what they do they will be unsuccessful. And they believe the evidence supports this.
So what is happening, and better yet, what can we do about it?
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life."
What we crave in our lives is usually on the other side of fear. And, let's face it, that scares the sh$t out of us.
Our minds are always trying to protect us. While we may not realize that a new identity (someone successful with whatever we want to be successful at) is scary, it is.
This new person is different and unknown and that creates a certain amount of stress in our mind. Our minds don't know the difference between real and perceived threats and so regardless of the cause we go into protection mode.
Protection mode can look like self-sabotage, all-or-nothing mindsets, excuses, anxiety, indecision, procrastination, or anything else that shows up for you.
Our minds do this to protect us from the unknown person on the other side of success. We don't understand who that person is, how they behave, how they think, or how they show up in the world. But even scarier is the thought that we won't be able to maintain our newfound success.
All kinds of feelings come to the surface, unworthiness, not being good enough, how other people will react to our success, not feeling deserving, disappointing people if we can't maintain, and on and on. After all, who are we to be successful?
The most interesting thing is if you ask anyone what they struggle with it usually boils down to the same things. We are all afraid of not being good enough.
But this is just a fear mindset. When this comes up we need to take a deeper look at what we are afraid of.
We have been the same person for so long that it's intimidating to think of ourselves as someone new. But underneath the fear what we are struggling with is a mindset problem. We don't believe in ourselves on some level.
Luckily, if there is one thing you can control, it's how you think about something.
Changing your mindset is not easy but it is doable. It starts with you having a vision of who you want to be.
Close your eyes and envision yourself as someone who possesses the habit you desire. Visualize yourself being successful and doing all the things someone with this habit does. I know it may sound and feel silly but elite athletes use visualization techniques to help them get to the next level. If it works for them it will work for us. 😉
As you create your vision, pay attention to your breath. Take a few deep breaths to calm your body and mind down and get grounded in this person you want to become.
This is where we come back to your why. There is a reason why you want to create certain habits in your life. Most of the time we start with a very surface why, you want to start exercising because you want to lose weight. If you then ask yourself why you want to lose weight then you get to the next level. It's like peeling back layers of an onion. You keep asking yourself why until you get to the core reason you want to commit to this new habit.
Keeping your focus on who you want to be and why will help you stay grounded and committed to moving forward even when things feel scary.
Make sure to celebrate your wins so you can continue to see yourself as the person who does this habit. Every little step you take deserves to be recognized. This will help you slowly adjust to the person you want to become. You will be able to visualize yourself as someone successful with the habit you are trying to create. If you can see it, you will start to believe it.
When you believe in yourself you will be able to move past fear to become the person you want to be. You deserve to have the incredible life you want for yourself. Dive into your life! Grab that horse by the reins and get going!
I'm over here rooting you on.