Developing an Attitude of Friendliness Toward Ourselves

I was listening to a talk by meditation teacher Tara Brach the other day. She was saying how some people find mindfulness practices rewarding while others struggle with it and become discouraged. The reason for the difference was their attitude. 

Those who experience great benefit from mindfulness practice are responding to what is happening inside of them with an attitude of friendliness. They approach themselves, their thoughts, their emotions, with curiosity, compassion, openness, acceptance, and warmth. 

Those who became discouraged are responding to what is happening inside of them with judgement. They approach themselves with the idea that they are inadequate, lacking, imperfect, or not enough. 

If you find yourself in the group of people who are discouraged and full of judgement, how do you change that so you can approach yourself with an attitude of friendliness?

You let go of the idea of trying to do it right; you stop trying to be perfect. When we strive for perfectionism we will inevitably fall short. Then any practice we do will only feel like yet another way to judge ourselves or feel like we are not enough.

One of the greatest things about meditation is there is no wrong way to do it. Your experience is just that, your experience. You may feel disappointed because you are lost in thought for your whole practice. Noticing that you are lost in thought is the first step in beginning to understand how to change. Having the awareness that you were thinking during your meditation shows a presence that wasn’t there before.

One of the greatest gifts of my mindfulness meditation practice has been the ability for me at accept myself just as I am, faults and all. I get a chance to really see myself, my thoughts, my emotions, and accept them with a sense of curiosity and kindness. I have found that I don’t judge myself as harshly or as often. I am more forgiving of the mistakes I make knowing that I am doing the best I can in that moment and allowing each moment to help me learn to be better.

We all have deep habits of judging ourselves, but are those habits really serving us?

If we approach our meditation and ourselves with an attitude of friendliness, openness, acceptance, and kindness then our thoughts won’t take over our lives. We can witness what is happening and develop a deeper understanding and sense of connectedness in our life.