Picture this, I am sitting in a room of about 25 people. We are having to introduce ourselves and tell a little bit about why we are taking this class. One by one everyone is telling their story. I begin to feel nervous, I am not a fan of public speaking. As the nervousness comes on, I try to tell myself to ignore it, to pretend like I’m not nervous. The more I try to push it away the stronger it seems to come back. When it is my turn, I feel so nervous that my voice shakes as I begin to speak. By the time my introduction is over, my nerves are gone and I feel somewhat embarrassed at my reaction. 

Does any of this sound familiar? You may not get nervous talking in front of people but we all have struggled with a thought that we can’t seem to get out of our head. 

Why do we find it so hard to control our thoughts?

Daniel Wegner, a psychology professor at Harvard University, did a study where he asked the participants to think about anything they wanted, except for a white bear. The participants all found it impossible to think of anything other than the white bear. One participant said, “I’m trying to think of a million things to make me think about everything but a white bear and I keep thinking of it over and over and over.”

Wegner found that the more he asked people to push a thought away the more it came back. This effect was even stronger when people were already feeling stressed out, tired, or distracted. He called this phenomenon ironic rebound.

In my case, the more I tried to push away the nervousness the stronger it came back. It wasn’t until I was able to stop thinking about it, because I was speaking, that if finally went away.

Kelly McGonigal a psychology instructor at Stanford University, says, “The willingness to think what you think and feel what you feel - without necessarily believing that it is true, and without feeing compelled to act on it - is an effective strategy for treating anxiety, depression, food cravings, and addiction.”

Mindfulness meditation has given me the tools to do just that. Mindfulness meditation is a breath centered practice which asks us to notice our thoughts and emotions, without judgement and without attaching to them. The permissiveness of the practice allows us to feel our emotions, instead of trying to push them away, and so they lose their power over us. 

Do you have a meditation practice? Let me know in the comments so I can pass along information and resources to help you get started!