The power of change and choice
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of dropping off our cable box and modem to Xfinity. After years of being unsatisfied with their customer service and the high price tag that came along with it, we finally cut the cord.
This is something we've been talking about doing for years. But we never moved forward with it. There was always a good reason not to stop the service: a tennis tournament that was coming up (even though there is always a tennis tournament coming up), or someone was watching a show that we thought we could only get if we had cable, we liked having the option of watching specific channels, we weren't sure where we would get our news, and a million other reasons that all seemed perfectly valid.
We discussed cutting the cord for weeks, months, and even years before we finally did it. No matter how unhappy we were, we just stayed stuck and miserable.
We were completely unhappy with Xfinity for years, yet we didn't change anything. Why? There is not one good reason, just a bunch of excuses that all seemed perfectly valid. Ultimately, changing seemed more complicated than being unhappy and staying right where we were.
Can you imagine being so completely dissatisfied with something and still not doing anything to change it?
You know I can't take a perfectly good question like that and not relate it to habits and habit formation, so buckle up, buttercup! 😉
People don't come to me for coaching when they feel satisfied with their lives. They come to me when they are so sick of their life that they are ready to change. They have told themselves every excuse in the book to continue playing small and stay comfortably uncomfortable. They have been in this state for weeks, months, and even years. And just like it was for us with Xfinity, all the excuses seem perfectly valid.
It's hard to change, but it's equally hard to stay where you feel stuck and unhappy. We get to choose our hard.
What helped us finally cut the cord and let go of Xfinity? It was the last call to customer service to get an issue taken care of. We finally got so sick of being unsatisfied that we were ready to do something different. The straw that broke the camel's back became the catalyst for change.
The same thing happens with my clients. They may have been unhappy for weeks, months, or even years. They have a million reasons why it's better to stay where they are than to do the work to make the changes.
There are six stages to change, and depending on which stage we are in determines whether we are ready to change. We have to go through each stage before we enter the next one, sometimes repeatedly.
The first stage is pre-contemplation. This is when you aren't thinking about changing. Maybe you are unaware that change needs to happen, or you've tried and failed and lack the confidence to do the thing.
Second, we have contemplation. You've now begun to think about changing. While the thought process has started, you aren't planning on changing anytime soon. You can see the benefits but also the challenges and difficulties of making the change. The fear of challenges and difficulties keeps you stuck where you are.
Third is preparation. This is when you are ready to get into action. You may have already taken steps like reading books, cultivating a support system, or hiring a coach. There is some plan in place.
Fourth, we have action. Action means just that - we are making changes and seeing the desired outcomes.
Fifth, we have maintenance. This is when we are not putting as much effort in as we did when we first started, but we continue to stay in action.
The last stage is called termination. This is when people's habits become automated. They don't have to think about them anymore; they just do them. While this is the goal for most people, this is also the part most people don't achieve.
As lovely as it would be if the stages happened linearly, they don't. We may move from pre-contemplation to contemplation and back to pre-contemplation. You may even get into action and fall back to pre-contemplation. This may be due to mindset issues, past failures with the habit, fear of change, or several other reasons. This is why being uncomfortable can feel better than doing something different and feeling uncomfortable.
This is why we didn't cut the cord sooner. We kept waffling between pre-contemplation and contemplation. Every time we were ready to change, something happened that kept us from acting.
As hard as it felt to let go of Xfinity once we did, there was almost this sense of relief. We removed ourselves from a situation that left us feeling miserable more often than not and opened ourselves up to better opportunities.
We found an internet company with a better rating for customer service and are streaming whatever we want to watch for a fraction of the price. We cut the cord and have yet to look back.
My clients feel like this once they commit to making changes in their lives. It feels hard and scary before they start, but once they see the benefits of having the new habits in their lives, they feel a sense of relief and wonder why they didn't start sooner.
If you've been struggling with making changes in your life, look back at the six stages and see if you can identify where you are. You may not be in the stage to make a change right now, but you're thinking about it. What would it take to get you from contemplation into action?