You Are Enough
Yesterday when I got home from work I felt totally exhausted and depleted. I made myself a nourishing bowl of soup and then I sat down on the couch. I didn’t work, I didn’t read, I didn’t do anything (at least until I had to teach that evening). It was glorious. It was exactly what I needed to do and I truly enjoyed every minute of it; that is, until I woke up this morning.
When I woke up this morning all I could think was how much time I wasted yesterday. I have so much work to do for my business, I have been dying to finish the book I am reading, I needed to go to the grocery store, clean the house, clean the dog, do the laundry, and so on and so on.
Normally, this story line would send me in a downward spiral. I would start thinking how I don’t do enough which basically boils down to how I am not enough. Fortunately, today was not a normal day. Instead of heading into the downward spiral, I noticed the story my mind wanted me to dive into; I sat with it, I noticed how it felt in my body and my mind, I took a deep breath, and then I let it go.
If you have any persistent story lines that run through your head you know this is not easy to do. About 10 minutes later the story jumped into my mind again, “If you hadn’t vegged out on the couch all day yesterday then today you wouldn’t have so much work to do.” When I heard the story I approached it the same way as before: I sat with it, I noticed how it felt in my body and my mind, I took a deep breath, and then I let it go. Each time the story popped back up I applied the same techniques until eventually, the story stopped.
Research shows that you have 60,000 thoughts a day and that 95% of them are the same ones you had yesterday. This becomes a problem if the thoughts that are on repeat are not serving you. My story line of not doing enough or being enough is one that does not serve me. The strange thing is that it is so familiar that it has become comfortable and often, hard to notice.
So what do you do when your thought pattern is so old and comfortable that it is like a favorite blanket? You just start by noticing it. If you are not aware of the thought pattern then you don’t have the power to change it. Once you can see your patterns you can start by pausing and taking a deep breath. Sometimes that pause is enough to stop the thought all together and sometimes it is enough to keep you from falling down the rabbit hole. If you do this often enough you will recognize your thought patterns as they start and you can literally begin to rewire your brain to stop them from happening.
Just in case you needed to be reminded, you are enough. It is ok to rest. It is ok to take care of yourself. It is not selfish and you are not lazy. I don’t know if you needed to hear it but I know that I did.