P started high school this year. I have been heartbroken because time is passing so quickly, and incredibly excited to watch her grow into the kind, compassionate, intelligent, and, let's not forget, sassy person she is becoming.

​

While she has been excited about high school, there has been a learning curve that has come along with being in high school.

Middle school was relatively easy for P. She didn't have to work very hard, and while we were trying to teach her good study habits, she could get away with not implementing them.

​

Enter high school. The adjustment of being back in school, along with needing to have good study habits in place, has not been a recipe for success for P. She tried to get by with her old ways, but it hasn't been working, and the stress has been building.

​

Just writing this story, I feel my shoulders creeping up by my ears, my heart rate increasing, and my breath getting shallow. And that was all just from typing the words and reliving the stress my poor kid was feeling.

​

Can you feel it too?

​

We've all had situations like this in life. We have an expectation of effort and outcome, and when things don't happen the way we expect them to, we feel stress creep into our bodies and minds.

​

While high school may be a distant memory for many of us, you can easily substitute situations involving home or work life, relationships (work or home), finances, or any other things and feel the same stress P was feeling.

​

Unmanaged stress can lead to numerous issues, both mentally and physically. Stress can keep you from being present in your day, it can affect your sleep and the food choices you make, it can give you indigestion, and make your heart rate and blood pressure increase. These are just a few examples of what stress can do to you. And if left unchecked for long periods, it has been known to cause more severe health issues, like heart disease and cancer.

​

Stress can happen for various reasons, but the stress we are discussing today tends to happen to my people pleasers and perfectionists. It builds from worrying about one small thing and snowballs into a state of constant worry, stress, and anxiety. It can affect every aspect of your life if you don't find ways to manage it.

​

So, what do we do when the stress starts to creep in? How do we stop it before it turns into chronic anxiety that affects the rest of your day/week/month/year/life?

​

• Let go of perfectionism.

This sounds much easier than it is. Take it from a recovering people pleaser. Perfectionism stems from the desire to be accepted. To undo that patterning, you must learn that you don't have to be perfect to feel worthy or valued. Like I said, it's a challenging task. A first step could be celebrating a win you've had. It can start with small things until it feels more comfortable, like drinking a glass of water every morning. It may not feel worthy of celebrating. But when you show up for yourself in the ways you said you would consistently, it needs to be recognized, or you will always feel like you need to do more.

​

• Learn tools to help you manage stress before it gets out of control.

There are so many ways you can learn to manage stress before it gets out of hand. One of the first things is to recognize it when it comes on. Things like shallow breathing, faster heart rate, sweating, uncontrolled thoughts, and trouble concentrating are all signs that stress has started to seep in. One of the easiest things you can do is focus on your breath. When we learn to control our breath, we learn to talk directly to our nervous system. Slow, deep breathing lets your nervous system know it is safe and will help quell your anxiety and stress. The best part is your breath is free! You don't need to have an app or pay for a course; you can stop, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths. As an added bonus, the same part of the brain controls worry and counting. You cannot do both at the same time. So count to 4 as you inhale and four as you exhale, and watch your stress and anxiety shift and soften. There are many other tools, but the breath is often the most accessible for people.

​

• Don't try to push it away.

When we feel stress and its effects, we want it to disappear. We try to talk ourselves out of it or shame ourselves for feeling how we feel. This actually backfires and makes things worse. Researchers did an experiment where they asked participants to think about anything except a white elephant. As you can probably guess, the participants could not stop thinking about white elephants simply because they had been told not to. The same goes for our stress and anxiety. If you try to push it away, it only gets stronger. Instead, accept that it is there. See if you can notice where you feel it in your body and if you can give it a one-word label. For example, if you feel your chest get tight when anxiety creeps in, you would say to yourself tightness. Often, just by labeling it, it will start to dissipate. Accepting your anxiety will help you from getting lost in thought and give you back some control over what you allow in your brain.

​

• Move your body.

While this one could easily go under tools to manage stress, it deserves its own section. Movement is one of the most underrated ways to help manage anxiety. Movement releases feel-good endorphins and other chemicals in the brain that enhance your sense of well-being. You may not be able to get up and walk away from whatever is causing you anxiety, especially if you are in a meeting or taking a test, but even if the movement happens after the fact, it will help release the anxiety and help you relax. If you can take your movement outside, it's even better. A little fresh air and sunlight only increase the benefits of movement and the effect on your mood.

​

I could list several more items to help you manage your stress, but these are a great place to start. As for the kid, she has been implementing quite a few of these and seeing success. It's slow but steady progress towards managing anxiety and stress that will help her for a lifetime.

​

So often, clients tell me their stress and anxiety are just there, and they can't do anything about them. This is not true.

​

Stress, worry, and anxiety may have ruled your life up until now, but there are things you can do to help improve your situation. They may not be an easy fix, but the effort you put in now will come back to you tenfold.

​

Being able to stop stress and anxiety in its tracks is life changing.

​

Don't believe me? Give just one of the options a try and see how different your life can be.