How business class reminded me of my worth
Over the last few weeks, I've been taking a business class. In our second class, the teacher asked us to think of someone in our lives we care about. Then he asked us to list at least 3 things that they are good at. He gave us a few minutes to write out our thoughts. Everyone was off to the races, with their heads down writing. When the timer went off, we had to stop what we were doing but could have easily kept going.
Our next task was to list at least 3 things that we are really good at. He started the timer and most people just sat there staring at their paper or scratching their heads. A few people were writing but then kept scratching things and writing again. When the time was up he asked us what we had written. Most people were not able to come up with 3 things they were good at. If they did, they were very general like, I'm a positive person.
We discussed the fact that it's a lot easier to find things that other people are good at but pretty challenging to list things we're good at.
Our homework was to send a message to friends and family asking them to list 3 things we were good at and bring it next time.
After class, I sent a message to a handful of friends and family asking them that very question. I was a little nervous about it. It made me feel vulnerable. If it was that hard for me to come up with three things then it might be equally hard for my friends and family to come up with stuff as well. I don't ask people what they think about me very often, or if I do it's often because I am trying to figure something out and am looking for some constructive criticism. I'm not usually looking for compliments.
Immediately, the responses started coming in. I was left utterly stunned and speechless. The things that people were saying about me made me feel on top of the world. Now, this assignment wasn't about inflating my ego, 😂 but it allowed me to see myself through other people's eyes. I had no idea what a gift that would be.
(If you were one of the people I sent a request to, thank you for sending me back a response. I know we are all really busy and so the fact that you took time out of your day to help me out was greatly appreciated. 💙)
The point our teacher was trying to make is that we can so easily find the good in other people but it is much harder to find that in ourselves. We are our own worst critics. When things go right in our lives we may give ourselves praise, but not too much because we don't want to come off as egotistical. We also are the first to comment about the things we could have done better and how we would do it differently the next time. We point out what wasn't perfect. Keep in mind, this is how we talk to ourselves when things go well!
When things go wrong in our lives, we beat ourselves up unmercilessly, talk shit about ourselves, and allow self doubt to take over. We often dwell on what we did wrong and pick apart every last detail. We refuse to see where we may have done well because it wasn't perfect.
While it can be good to see where you can improve, it's also good to see where you've done things well. And what that comes down to at the end of the day is choice. How will you choose to see your efforts?
My takeaways from this experience:
If you are working on some area of your life and aren't seeing the improvement you were hoping for, find someone who is successfully doing what you want to do and then pay them to help you. That's what I did by taking this business class and the things I learned were so much more than I had hoped for. This is also not a shameless plug for my services, but more a reminder that it's ok to need help. And better yet, it's ok to ask for it.
If you want to know how you are being perceived or how people feel about you, just ask. The people around you who care about you want to help you. They want you to succeed and to know your worth.
When you don't ask for help, words of encouragement, or any other thing you need assistance with, the only person you are hurting is yourself. We spend enough time shit talking ourselves. Let's flip the script and do something nice for ourselves. Ask for what you need. It's scary for sure, but I have a feeling you will be pleased with the outcome.
You can choose to change the way you talk about yourself. It is possible to see your good qualities and the ways you contribute to the situations in your life. You can choose to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would give to a friend.
One of the best ways to change how you talk to yourself is to be able to see yourself through other people's eyes. I had no idea what other people thought about me until I asked. It was a nice reminder that I am showing up in the world the way I want to. You can remind yourself how other people see you when you begin the negative self talk.
Remind the people that you care about how you feel about them regularly. Jay Shetty says not to just tell people that you love them, tell them why you love them. Clearly, we all need to be reminded about the good in ourselves. Don't wait for people to ask, just tell them. 💙
None of this will be easy, if it was we would all be doing it already. Changing is always uncomfortable. But when you really stop to think about it, staying the same is uncomfortable too. It's just more familiar.