The power of perspective
I have a big birthday coming up. The big 5-0! The other day, someone asked me if it bothered me that I was turning 50. They weren't so sure they would be advertising it. 😂
When I turned 30, it really knocked me for a loop. But so far, the idea of being 50 hasn't been bothering me at all. Maybe it's because I've never been happier or more comfortable in my skin. I know who I am and what I want, and I am surrounded by people who help me be the best version of myself. How could a number make any of that less amazing than it is?
But the best part of turning 50 is the trip that my husband, Dave, is taking me on. He "surprised" me with a trip to Italy! I say "surprised" because you can't really surprise someone who needs to find a dog and house sitter, make sure the kid is taken care of, and needs to take time off from work. But I couldn't be more excited!
This is actually the same trip I planned for him when he was turning 50. Unfortunately, that was May of 2020 and we weren't able to go anywhere because of Covid.
Italy has been on my list for a long time. When I was a college student I studied art and minored in Italian. The summer of my sophomore year, I had the opportunity to go to Florence, live in a castle, take art classes, and speak Italian on the regular, all in exchange for assistance with renovating the castle. I, unfortunately, did not take advantage of this opportunity and still regret it to this day. So in some ways, this is my chance to make up for lost opportunities and finally get to explore a place I've always wanted to go.
Along with this amazing trip, comes a lot of organizing and admittedly, some stress. The nuts and bolts of traveling require a lot of work on the back end. I have long to-do lists that need checking off. The closer it gets, the more that seemingly needs to get done. There have been a lot of things that I wasn't thinking about as well as things I thought I would get done earlier and didn't.
For the past week, these never ending to-do lists have been waking me up in the middle of the night. I wake up thinking of things that I need to add or that I started but didn't finish. Needless to say, when morning comes I do not feel refreshed. Instead, I am exhausted and feeling a little anxious that I may not get it all done before I go. Being tired doesn't help anything. It only exacerbates the low level of anxiety that has been running through my days.
By Thursday, I felt so exhausted that I didn't get much of anything done. I did what I had planned, meditation, yoga, pranayama, and work, but there was nothing left in the tank when I finished. No errands were run, and the anxiety began to build.
That's when I remembered something one of my meditation teachers suggested I ask myself when anxiety or worry crept up. He said to ask myself, "Is this useful?"
I remember feeling my jaw drop when he said it becasue I instantly knew the answer. It's funny how a few words can change your perspective entirely.
Worry and anxiety get a bad rap but they can actually be useful emotions. The problem is when they are left unchecked they start to create a groove in your brain that creates a steady flow of worry and anxiety. Suddenly these things that can help us solve problems, inspire us to make changes in our lives, feel more prepared when we have to deal with challenges, and also helps us to be more empathetic and understanding when other people are struggling, become a problem.
On Thursday night, before I went to sleep, I spent some time journaling about the anxiety I was feeling about my trip and all that needed to get done before I left. I realized that some of it is just pure excitement, but when I thought about the other stuff I asked myself if the anxiety I was feeling was useful. The answer I came up with was both yes and no.
Used properly, the anxiety I was feeling could help me get stuff done. But the fact that it was waking me up at night and leaving me feeling exhausted was actually preventing me from getting stuff done. So, is it useful? Not currently.
When I woke up thinking again in the middle of the night, I simply asked myself that question, smiled because I knew the answer, and went back to sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed and ready to go on Friday and knocked a bunch of stuff off my list.
Simple shifts in perspective can be huge game changers. When I asked myself if what I was feeling was useful, I also noticed that I was holding my breath and creating tension in my body. With those simple words I could feel my breath and body soften.
This isn't some magical recipe either. It is available to all of us whenever we want to use it. We create these tools for our toolboxes to help us manage our stress, worry, and anxiety. When situations come up, we just have to remember to use them.
Underneath it all, I know that if everything doesn't get done, it's ok. I have people here in Atlanta that will help me out if I forgot to do something before I left and we can get whatever we need in Italy once we are there. All it took was one simple question to remind me of this.
If you have been dealing with stress or anxiety try asking yourself the same question, is it useful? Being able to stop the stories running through your head and getting grounded in the present moment helps keep us from creating those negative grooves in our brains that are hard to get out of.
Will it solve all your problems? Probably not, but it is a great reminder that we often make things seem worse than they really are and that the story in our heads is usually not true. Over time, you will start to notice when you are getting lost in that stress and anxiety loop, and can bring yourself back faster.
Give it a shot and let me know how it works for you!