Why resolutions fail, and what to do instead

We’re about halfway through February and I’m wondering, how life is going. Did you set a New Year’s Resolution? I’ve mentioned before that I don’t usually set resolutions. I have done it in the past but over the years I've realized a few things about resolutions; they are often too lofty and hard to attain, and you don’t need to wait for a specific day to start living the life you want. Instead of resolutions, I now set a word or intention for my year. I can come back to that at any point in the year to make sure how I’m living my life aligns with the intention I set.

Resolutions are big business. The whole New Year, New You idea is a multi-billion dollar business. There has been a ton of research on resolutions and why they don’t work.

Don’t get me wrong, if you are a resolution setter and that works for you, more power to you. Do you, always. But, if you set resolutions every year only to find a few weeks in your resolution is a thing of the past, keep reading.

One in three people fail at their New Year’s Resolution in the first month and only 10% of people are successful at keeping their resolutions throughout the year. 80% of people don’t stick to their resolution at all. Let’s face it, folks, these are not great odds.

January 17th has officially become known as quitting day. It’s when most people realize that they don’t really care about the resolutions they have made and leave them behind. Most of the time, they’ve created these resolutions because it is something they think they “should” be doing or they have seen someone else who has been successful and want to make that person's goals their own.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can learn how to be successful with your habits regardless of when you start them.

I understand why most people want to start on the first day of the year. We've just gotten through the holiday season and most of us are out of our routine. We’ve been eating and drinking more and often moving less. It’s cold and dark, and we’re feeling the stressful effects of the holiday season. We want things to change so we can feel better.

But things don’t change just because it's January 1st. We aren't magically going to want to get outside to exercise because the days are still dark and cold, and we generally don't feel as good or energetic as we usually do. It’s important to recognize what’s happening in our world and then to meet ourselves where we are. We can honor what is going on with our bodies and in nature, and still be doing things that are good for us.

Then there are the “shoulds”. We think we should be doing this thing or that thing to be healthier and happier. But shoulds just create cycles of shame and blame and leave us feeling stuck. When we think we should be doing something our hearts aren’t really in it and we won't make it a priority. There are a million things we all “should” be doing, we hear it all day long. However, until the should get replaced with a wanting to do something that is supported by why we want to do that thing, it probably isn’t going to stick.

The moral of the story is to stop should-ing all over yourself. What you want out of life, your vision of what health and wellness look like, will not be the same as mine. And it shouldn’t. We are not the same people. When we can take the time to figure out what we really want and why then we have laid the foundation for success in our habits and routines.

Then there is trying to make someone else’s goals our own. Maybe you have a friend or family member who started a new habit or routine and they are killing it. They have lost weight, gained energy, and just look and feel good. Who doesn’t want that?!?

You ask them how they started and what they have been doing. They tell you and you try to implement it in your own life only to find out that it just doesn’t work for you. You get frustrated and give up.

You and the person whose plan you are trying to copy have completely different lives and life experiences. What works for them just doesn’t land for you the same way, and that's ok. You can still figure out how to create a habit that works for you and gets you the results you want. We will all have different processes to get us to the same place. That’s what makes us unique and individual. Embrace that!

What you need is a step-by-step process to help you meet your goals. I’m going to lay it out for you here!

1. Figure out why you want to do what you want to do. This may be one of the hardest parts to figure out. Ever been around a 3-year-old? They will ask you a question and follow it up with why, ad infinitum. You need to do the same thing. Maybe you want to be healthier, why? Maybe you want to have more energy, why? Maybe you're why will be because you want the energy to be able to create memories with your family. This is what you will come back to when your new habit or routine gets challenging.

2. Break your new habit down into its smallest part. Figure out the smallest step you can take to move toward your new habit. Make it so small that there is no doubt you can be successful. When you are successful you build confidence. That confidence will help you continue to build the bigger habit.

3. Celebrate your successes. If you don’t stop and realize that you were successful in what you set out to do you will never be satisfied. Nothing you do will ever be enough. Celebrating your wins reminds you that you can do what you’ve set out to do. You are building confidence that you can be the person you envision yourself to be.

4. Keep going. Once you have created success for yourself, keep going. Habits and routines are things we work on for the rest of our lives. We are striving for them to be automated so we don’t have to waste a lot of mental energy thinking about them, but we never stop doing them. As you find success with one habit you stack another habit on top of that. And you keep going until you have created the vision for your life that you only used to dream about.

Creating new habits and routines isn’t easy, it takes consistency and showing up even on the days you don’t want to. I know it sounds corny but you’ve only got this one life. Why wouldn't you try to create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself? Stop thinking about it and take that first step forward. If you need any words of encouragement or feel stuck let me know in the comments where you're struggling and I’ll send you back some encouragement and suggestions.

You’ve got this, my friend!